Don’t write what you don’t love

Or do, actually. Go outside your comfort zone. Do your research and find out what someone else’s kink feels like from the inside. Write it out, sympathize, open your field of understanding.

But that is about finding satisfaction in new places. Don’t waste time writing a genre or a type of story that gives you no joy.

I feel arrogant saying so. I mean, you do you. It’s just that I have discovered there are things I want to write, things I can write, and things that make me sick to even try writing, and sometimes the first and last categories coincide. In those cases it’s best to spend your energies somewhere else.

I want to write about women loving women and men loving men. I want to write about monsters and self-loathing and a quest for belonging, about the moment when your viewpoint shifts and the world goes out alignment, and about giving up, about longing to run away. I want to write challenges to common narratives. Sometimes I want to write stories that function as loving commentaries on Wodehouse or Pratchett.

Don’t try to be some other kind of writer. You can’t always even write what you love. So: Write what you love to write.


“Double” free week

With the excitement of Halloween and a wedding I forgot to post a reminder earlier, but indeed, “Double” is now available for free until Friday. I would appreciate downloads and reviews!

After an accident in a test run of a new cloning scanner, a lab assistant finds herself living with her clone. It isn’t easy seeing yourself reflected in another.

A short story about self-love and self-harm.

“Boxcutter” promo & welcome to new followers!

I should also say thank you to any old followers who stayed with me during the long lull!

“Strong Coffee” promo is over but “Boxcutter” will now be free until next week Thursday. Whereas the former was a paranormal murder mystery, the latter is dystopian horror. Both of these stories were written a long time ago and only recently polished into their final forms, though “Boxcutter” was already quite complete when I gave it that last look before it went up. I wrote the first draft in nearly one sitting based on the idea of a boy who comes from the desert with violence in his wake.

I also have the beginnings of a sequel set in that same arid future land, but no promises. I tend to take my time with stories, and that one needs a lot of work.

Extract under the cut:

Continue reading ““Boxcutter” promo & welcome to new followers!”

Long time no post.

There were some short stories I shopped around but that never found a publisher, and I can’t say I am surprised, since they were all most definitely creepy and designed to make you feel bad. So, I have published them myself on Kindle.

Boxcutter Strong CoffeeDouble

“Strong Coffee” will be free to download until October 21, “Boxcutter” October 23-27, and “Double” from October 31 to November 4, 2016.

Strong Coffee –  On Halloween in 1923, a once skeptical professor is forced to seek out a medium to resolve a haunting in her New York townhouse. (4,100 words, murder, supernatural)

Boxcutter –  There are monsters out in the desert. Nathaniel finds work in the city, killing them before they’re born, but came from the desert too. (3,300 words, dystopian horror, serial murder, monsters)

Double –  After an accident in a test run of a new cloning scanner, a lab assistant ends up living with her clone. A short story about self-love and self-harm. (5,600 words, a reflective story about having sex with your clone; no happy ending)

Hugos & Puppies: Peeling The Onion

shattersnipe: malcontent & rainbows

On the phone from the Middle East, where he is currently deployed, Torgersen lamented what he called “the cognitive dissonance of people saying, ‘No, the Hugos are about quality,’ and then at the same time they’re like: ‘Ooh, we can vote for this author because they’re gay, or for this story because it’s got gay characters,’ or, ‘Ooh, we’re going to vote for this author because they’re not white.’ As soon as that becomes the criteria, well, quality goes out the window.”

Who Won Science Fiction’s Hugo Awards, and Why It Matters, by Amy Wallace

In light of this year’s Hugo Award results, and with particular reference to Amy Wallace’s excellent rundown on the Puppies affair, I feel moved to address the Sad, rather than the Rabid, contingent. Per Torgersen’s remarks above, and setting aside every other aspect of the debate that renders me alternately queasy or enraged…

View original post 3,584 more words

How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?

(crossposted from Dreamwidth)

I’ve written some pieces specifically for publication in erotic collections, with little luck so far, and in all cases I felt I should make my lead beautiful in the conventional sense. It’s always a bit of a challenge. I’d like to start by creating a character I can connect with, not a character that’s coded desirable. It throws a crink; makes it difficult to write a good character rather than a sexy lamp, or a sexy inspiration/reward vending machine. It means your character isn’t allowed to be themselves unless that’s somehow sexy.

Happily there is a lot you can still do to differentiate your character within the steel cage of minimum requirements for attractiveness: thin, able-bodied, with few really unusual features (unless they’re beauty cliches such as “startling emerald eyes”). The one thing that’s usually missing from stories with conventionally attractive leads is their own awareness of their attractiveness.

I think the cliche of the “ordinary-looking girl” who ends up being desired by every hunk in the vicinity arises from the desire to write a desirable lead, but not wanting to deal with the negative traits associated with being aware of one’s own good looks. The gorgeous bitch is a stereotype, from high school cheerleaders to platinum blonde femme fatales. They’re vain, selfish, and expect to be catered to. They’re villains.

And that negative (misogynistic?) stereotype, coupled with our cultural insistence that women be effortlessly beautiful and never vain, is stopping us writing attractive female characters whose attractiveness (whether lucky or hard-won) has influenced the formation of their personalities. And then here I am, struggling to find something to latch on to, and that becomes one of those things. I would be dishonest if I tried to write an attractive character just the same as an unattractive or ordinary-looking one.

I could go on about what “attractive” means, anyway. Attraction is not about attractiveness. If I was writing erotica just for myself, you can bet the characters would be all sorts of chubby or bony, pockmarked or crooked-toothed, with cataracts or wrinkles or splashes of birthmarks down their backs.

“Conventional attractiveness” has its rewards and trials. A woman who works hard to look good and takes joy in her beauty gets attention, including attention she might not like. She gets told to wear less make-up, to smile, gets catcalled by men who find her beauty intimidating, smarmed up by men who think they’ve got a shot, lied to, manipulated; she becomes the object of unwarranted jealousy and gets painted with the “vain bitch” brush, or called a whore just for looking the way she does. Less gorgeous and made-up women might not want to talk to her because they, too, find her glamour intimidating.

A woman who just “happens to be” beautiful but doesn’t work on it gets told to wear more make-up, to smile; gets targeted by men who think she lacks self-esteem, and gets called frigid and a lesbian when she won’t cater to their hungry gaze.

When you think about all of that, it becomes kind of easier to be “ugly”, even if it means you’ll never get that job. At least you’re not a lightning rod for other people’s desires and insecurities.

Of course your life is never made up entirely of reactions to your looks. That doesn’t change the fact that these things help form your self-esteem and what you base your self-esteem on – what you’re proud of and what you’re ashamed of, and what kind of reactions you’ve had to learn to steel yourself against. Did you get that nose-ring to enforce your own aesthetic over the sexiness narrative? Did you stop relaxing your hair because you reject the idea that kinks aren’t beautiful? Is your make-up your shield against the world?

Recently I’ve written several beautiful leads and exactly one character whose job in the story was to be sexy. It was a story for a romance collection in which the sexiness of the male lead was very explicitly required. I tried to do him justice, but I have no interest in him as a character. He is, regretfully, a sexy lamp. The female lead, though, with her shallow attraction to him and the flippant and brusque manner of her sexuality, became really interesting to me. This is someone who has chosen to make herself as physically “attractive” as possible and steeled herself against whatever negative reactions that nets her while gleefully sampling the benefits. There is no core of self-doubt, no self-hatred to drive her desire to look perfect. She knows she’s attractive. She knows that’s no guarantee of a lay, or of preferential treatment, and she will not take any shit from anyone who thinks it means they’re somehow entitled to her. That kind of strength intrigues me.